Penis Fencing — a Valentine’s Day Special.

Courtesy of Wired, a fascinating video revealing the violent hermaphroditic flatworm courting ritual of “penis fencing”.

If your partner initiates foreplay by saying “en garde”, be afraid — be very afraid.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

All text © 2009 Gary William Murning

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Pissing off the Pontiff.

Oh, dear, it seems that dear old Pope Benedict XVI has gone and done it again — spouting his bigoted, antiquated malevolence, insisting that we need to be saved from a destructive blurring of gender.

‘It was not “out-of-date metaphysics” to “speak of human nature as ‘man’ or woman'”, he said. It came from the “language of creation, despising which would mean self-destruction for humans”.’

Firstly, there are many reasons why it is out-of-date metaphysics to speak of human nature in binary terms. Gender — or sex, if, as I prefer, we’re talking in biological terms — is far more complex than that, and, secondly, to issue a statement which attempts to misrepresent it in this way, throwing in words such as “despising” willy-nilly, isn’t merely irresponsible and unacceptable, it’s evil.

I very much doubt it will be news to my regular readers, but this guy is once again at the top of my 2008 List of Vile Individuals. And as such, I think he deserves a record dedication…

… this one goes out to the ungrooviest dude to ever don a frock and jangle his jewellery, The Deluded of all Deludeds, Pope Benedict XVI. For you, Popey-babes, because I know it’s a personal favourite, I give you, all the way from Greenwich Village — that den of iniquity — The Village People with… wait for it… Macho Man.

All text, apart from quotes, © 2008 Gary William Murning

Rutting Deer and Red Squirrels.

Ah, yes, it’s that time again — my favourite fortnight of the year (okay, I’m exaggerating a bit, but it is nonetheless a televisual event that I look forward to, almost as much as, ahem, Strictly Come Dancing.) The leaves start to turn, the evenings draw in, woolly jumpers become the staple and, sure enough, weekday evenings will find my attention focused on the windswept hair of Kate Humble and the comfortingly familiar beard and belly of former Goodie Bill Oddie as they and the Autumnwatch team guide us through the seasonal changes in the natural world around us.

From rutting deer to grey seals, from Heligan WebCams to oystercatchers and black-tailed godwits (don’t you just love that name?!), these are but a few of the delights in store. The central base for this year’s show is Brownsea Island, but additional reports will come from the surrounding area — including Poole Harbour, the Dorset coastline and the New Forest — as well as the Farne Islands and… Birmingham (believe it or not, there are apparently muntjac deer and otters to be found there.)

All in all, it looks set to be a thoroughly enthralling fortnight. And with a bit of luck, Bill just might manage to offend a few ridiculously prudish people again!

© 2008 Gary William Murning