You know, let’s face facts. Let’s be brutal and tell it like it is — without mincing our words, without pulling our punches. Let’s not beat around the bush or be politically correct, giving him the benefit of the doubt and struggling not to offend. As we look at him hanging upside down over a New York ice rink, let’s state it very clearly:
David Blaine is a bit of a prat and one day, in spite of all his well-developed willpower, something will go “tragically wrong” and the related YouTube video will become one of the most popular of all time.
I don’t understand the man, I really don’t. And, frankly, I’m not sure I want to! Performing illusions (which he does incredibly well) is something I can admire and respect. It takes skill and a great deal of practice. But hanging upside down? Doing a dive of death? Sitting in a transparent box in London? No. Whatever he might say to the contrary, the significant factor involved in these “stunts” is not skill; it’s stupidity.
Tests of endurance bother me, I must admit. Especially ones that seem so bloody pointless. I can understand someone running huge distances across a desert. Just. I can understand someone wanting to go to the North or South Pole. Such acts have a certain value — exploration and scientific advancement in the case of the latter. But inflicting liver damage on yourself simply so that you can say that you stayed underwater for seven days…? That degree stupidity, frankly, makes me feel pretty uncomfortable.
Of course, it’s his choice. He can take whatever risks he wishes to take with his health. But when so many people have to fight every day for their health, when a test of endurance is just another phrase to describe their day-to-day existence, don’t expect me to be impressed, David, mate. Levitate, and I’ll applaud you. Tell me what card I picked and I’ll go “Gee, how the fuck did you do that?” But hang upside down until your kidneys pop out of your ears and, well, yes, I may sneak a look at the video on YouTube, but you sure as shit won’t go in my Top Ten List of Achievers. Hell, you wouldn’t even make the top one hundred thousand!
In fact, if the list just went on and on…
… mate, I hate to break it to you, but you still wouldn’t be on it.