The London Olympics — Bring Your Slippers!

Yes, it’s official. Boris Johnson (and, yes, I’m well aware that this is my second Boris-related post today) announced yesterday that the 2012 Olympic Games would be “cosier” than the Beijing Olympics.

“The London Olympics will have, what’s the word I want?, an intimacy. The site will be smaller than the Beijing Park, it will be cosier, as estate agents would put it.

“It will still be a vast site and there will be many spectacular things to see there, but there is no need, we think, to spend that amount of money.”

Now, normally, I’d be a bit suspicious of cost-cutting exercises with something of this scale but — especially given the tumultuous effects of the excesses of recent years, which we are now having to deal with — I actually quite like the sound of a cosier, more intimate and thrifty Olympic Games. In fact, if it were up to me I’d make the athletes get rid of their fancy, high-tech footwear and run in Marks & Spencer carpet slippers, which would fit in quite nicely with the “cosy” theme, I think.

Also, we could decentralise it. Never mind these flash stadia, let’s stage the track and field events on school playing fields! Hell, we could even introduce new events — which I know Boris would approve of. We could have Olympic standard egg and spoon races, a three legged race and (my favourite) a fat dads race. Yes, I can see it now! Families scattered about on their picnic blankets, pouring from thermos flasks of tea and eating potted beef sandwiches (white bread, with the crusts off.) The Olympics à la John Betjeman?

And then there’s that other word the Boris uses; an “intimacy”. Something else to conjure with — but perhaps best left for another day 😉

© 2008 Gary William Murning

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Boris and the Bobby.

My favourite recent Peter Brookes cartoon.

Good old Boris…

BBC NEWS | Politics | Boris terminates cyborg Arnie

It has taken a whole year – but London mayor Boris Johnson has finally got his own back on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

As he was waiting to address last year’s Tory conference via video link, the California Governor seemed highly amused by Mr Johnson’s speaking style.

In a a clip which became a hit on YouTube, he can be heard whispering to aides about Mr Johnson “fumbling”.

But now the London mayor has had the last the laugh, describing “Arnie” as a “monosyllabic Austrian cyborg”.

BBC NEWS | Politics | Boris terminates ‘cyborg’ Arnie.

The perfect way to start a Monday morning. I do, however, think it’s a little early to claim that Boris has had the last laugh. There’s no telling what the monosyllabic Austrian cyborg might do next.

Not to worry, though, I’m sure Boris will be more than a match… as long as it doesn’t get physical…

© 2008 Gary William Murning

Ping-Pong’s Coming Home!

Well, you just knew — didn’t you? — that Boris wouldn’t be able to keep quiet for long. No gaffes, but  entertaining nonetheless.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Boris Johnson and his already quite famous “Ping-Pong’s Coming Home” speech.

© 2008 Gary William Murning

They Didn’t Let Boris Speak!

This is, officially, my first London 2012 Olympics post! Just think, you’ve got four whole years of me vacillating between optimism and pessimism on the subject to look forward to! Doesn’t it make you glad you discovered Gary William Murning Online?

The handover has taken place. The Olympic flag was given to Boris, who waved it about a bit (they didn’t let him speak so we had, unfortunately, no references to the Opium Wars), Leona Lewis sprouted out of the top of a London bus and David Beckham kicked a football.

I just wish I could get excited.

© 2008 Gary William Murning

BoJo.

A fine post from Mike on the new Mayor of London.

Mayor Boris.

Ah, yes, a very special day for Old London Town. Dear Ken is ousted from the position of Mayor of London by the shaggy-haired Boris Johnson.

Now, I have mixed feelings about this. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge soft spot for Boris. Firstly, it’s another poke in the eye  for Brown, whatever he might say to the contrary. Secondly, he has high entertainment value and thirdly… well, let’s face it, anyone who can piss off the whole of Liverpool in one fell swoop has to have something going for him. But if I lived in London, would I really want him as my mayor? Not really. A drink down the pub with him might be fun, but when his solution to congestion is to keep the traffic lights on green longer… no. I most certainly wouldn’t want him as my mayor.

A few Boris quotes:

“It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies.”

On a trip by Tony Blair to the Democratic Republic of Congo.  — “No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.”

“If gay marriage was OK _ and I was uncertain on the issue _ then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.”

On President George W. Bush  — “That is the best case for Bush; that, among other things, he liberated Iraq. It is good enough for me.”

“If I was in charge I would get rid of Jamie Oliver and tell people to eat what they like.” [Gary: Okay, I take it back, I would want him as my mayor!]

“I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed and so it did not go up my nose. In fact, I may have been doing icing sugar.”

“Labour’s appalling agenda, encouraging the teaching of homosexuality in schools, and all the rest of it.”

“I don’t see why people are so snooty about Channel 5. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap dancing, and other related and vital subjects.”

“The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP, they have run out of better ideas.”

And my all-time favourite…

“Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.”