I always like to hear reports of how well If I Never is doing (obviously!) It gives me an especially warm feeling when I discover that this independent bookshop or that independent bookshop is getting rid of more copies than they are of the new novel by a certain bestselling female author (who shall remain nameless – because I can’t actually remember who it was, now), or check out library catalogues and see that all their copies are out. And, of course, If I Never sightings in far-flung places usually result in my having to lay down in a darkened room for an hour or two.
Yesterday, however, I heard some news that really underscored just how well If I Never is doing. One guy I know – a book store worker who has over the past year become a friend – informed me, much to my delight, that someone had actually tried to shoplift a copy! That he had tried to conceal it in a copy of the Financial Times spoilt it somewhat (I would have personally preferred Playboy or Whack off Weekly), but nevertheless the news was greeted with a deep and all pervading sense of satisfaction, and celebrated with a nice strong cup of tea.
Anyone else tries to steal a copy, mind, and rest assured – I will send George Ruiz around to have “a quiet word”. So be warned.
Two sample chapters of If I Never can be read here.
To buy your copy of If I Never, please click here.
Also, UK Kindle users can now buy If I Never here. (US Kindle users here.)
© 2010 Gary William Murning
Gary William Murning Online 
I suppose so long as he’s using the Financial Times for shoplifting purposes only then it’s just camouflage. It doesn’t necessarily make him a FT reader. In fact perhaps he deliberately chose the most boring newspaper solely in order to deflect attention from his thievery (in a way which would be frankly impossible if he were to employ soft porn periodicals). This interpretation of events would make him a careful and practised purloiner which a) means a bigger pat on the back for your friend for having caught him, and b) even more kudos for ‘If I Never’ because it’s attracting professional criminal attention. It wasn’t simply an impulse snatch. Hmmm…
Liking the way your mind works, Dave 😉