I very rarely write poetry, not really feeling I have a propensity for it. Every once in a while, however, a novel requires that one of my characters does so and I find myself stepping into their skin and doing the job for them. It’s always a fascinating experience — another way of understanding a character.
And sometimes — just occasionally — I find myself wondering if, perhaps, I should write verse more often. I enjoy the discipline, but whether that’s because it’s always something of a novelty, I don’t know. I’m not even sure how effective the pieces themselves are.
With this in mind, I thought I’d share something I wrote — quite quickly — for the novel I’ll soon be starting, As Morning Shows the Day. It’s a short piece entitled Forbidden and it’s written from the perspective of a girl in her late teens. I won’t tell you anything more about it (it gives away something pretty vital to the novel.)
Let me know what you think of it if you have time.
They touch me in unknown places,
caressing and ashamed.
Secret dreams and longing —
forever driven, forever bereft.
Watching, loving,
counting the times that never can be.
Forbidden.
His eyes upon me
all I can ever know.
Seductive but innocent, if that makes sense. The last line gave me a bit of a sinking feeling.
It’s very good! You have a knack for it, I think.
And what if I tell you it’s from a poetry collection (within the novel) called Electra in Sable? How do you feel about it then?
Oh! Well, it changes my perception of the dynamics involved. But it actually makes it even more intriguing, to be honest.
Hmmm… I think I’m getting hooked again. 😉
Good, good, good 🙂
Hmmm. Electra, eh? I can make a guess, which I shan’t mention, in case I accidentally spoil it.
The poem could be a little tighter, IMO. It’s in need of some pulling back, language-wise; it does read like teenager poetry… Unless that was the effect you wanted. I guess if I were wanting to publish it as a stand-alone poem, I would jig it around a bit. Then again, I don’t have the context to properly judge; it might be a masterpiece within the novel itself, if you see what I mean, regardless of its own merits.
Oh, dear. I may have been confusing just then.
Confusing just then? No, mate, you’re always confusing 😉
Actually, yes, it is intended to be written by someone in her late teens/early twenties. Very much an “emotional” teenager. I wrote it very quickly, wanting it to have a rough quality to it. The temptation is to polish, but that simply won’t work, as you know.
It is something I’d like to do more of, though, but from my own perspective — writing as me not some fictional character.