6 comments on “Forbidden.

  1. Seductive but innocent, if that makes sense. The last line gave me a bit of a sinking feeling.

    It’s very good! You have a knack for it, I think.

  2. Oh! Well, it changes my perception of the dynamics involved. But it actually makes it even more intriguing, to be honest.

    Hmmm… I think I’m getting hooked again. 😉

  3. Hmmm. Electra, eh? I can make a guess, which I shan’t mention, in case I accidentally spoil it.

    The poem could be a little tighter, IMO. It’s in need of some pulling back, language-wise; it does read like teenager poetry… Unless that was the effect you wanted. I guess if I were wanting to publish it as a stand-alone poem, I would jig it around a bit. Then again, I don’t have the context to properly judge; it might be a masterpiece within the novel itself, if you see what I mean, regardless of its own merits.

    Oh, dear. I may have been confusing just then.

    • Confusing just then? No, mate, you’re always confusing 😉

      Actually, yes, it is intended to be written by someone in her late teens/early twenties. Very much an “emotional” teenager. I wrote it very quickly, wanting it to have a rough quality to it. The temptation is to polish, but that simply won’t work, as you know.

      It is something I’d like to do more of, though, but from my own perspective — writing as me not some fictional character.

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