14 comments on “Bad Sex Awards.

  1. Oy! Timing, timing, timing. I’ve been watching Rome– that series y’all foisted on us a couple years ago and, after 7 hours (so far) of graphic sex and even more graphic violence, I am ready for kittens, roses and moonlight. Got a story of that sort in the pipeline?

    Cheers!
    ~Cussie

  2. That’s hilarious! How about this one:

    Faye leaned back on the blanket, arranging her legs in an M of receptivity, and he knelt between them like the most abject and craven supplicant who ever exposed his bare ass to the eagle eyes of a bunch of crows.

    An M or receptivity? I’m in tears… LMAO The cramps…

    The rest of it was pretty bad too, but I don’t think I should post it here.

    I’ll read more when I’m finished working. I can always use a good laugh! 😆

  3. *LOL* That’s awful:) Got one of yours from 10 years ago yup a printout of Mama Matrix:)(Which isn’t awful:P) Printout date July 1998 so that means I must have known you for 10 years:) Only just got a net account then!!

  4. Pingback: read novels online | Sun Microsystems

  5. Hi Gary

    If you set-up the love scene the reader will come up with the way the environment might look, feels to them etc. You could always put something in about the character’s performance?:-) that way the reader could relate it to how they’d perform in such a scenario (basically using they’re own imagination)

    Enjoying your posts, keep them coming!

    Kev

  6. Why can’t the sex scene read like real life?

    ‘She was slightly drunk and the rohypnol was wearing off, and her movement wasn’t what it should be, so I turned her over and prentended she was watching me while I finished myself off, cleaning up with her sock.’

    Easy.

  7. Cussie: I’m afraid this is about as close as I get to kittens in the moonlight.

    Lottie: Where on earth do they get these ridiculous descriptive terms from? I just want to yell at them, “Stop trying too hard! Just say, ‘And then he fucked her’ and leave it at that.” 🙂

    Lou: Bloody hell! Mama Matrix! Now there’s a blast from the past. I’m surprised you still have it… was there a sex scene? I can’t remember. If it’s good, maybe I should find it and post it here — show people how it should be done! LOL
    Ten years… wow. I must write my cyberspace memoir one day soon! There have been a few fascinating times, haven’t there? 😉

    Kev: I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, mate. These days, my approach is to avoid excessive detail. Apart from the fact that saying too much can seem clumsy it just isn’t necessary. I try to do enough to prime the readers memory/imagination and then let them do the work. Writers often forget, I think, that the novel is always a collaborative project between the writer and reader. Sometimes it’s definitely better to let the reader fill in the gaps (pun intended!)

    Good to see you here, by the way. How are things with you? Drop me a line when you have time, mate.

    David: You Christmas-loving Jews really know how to have a good time, don’t you? 😉

  8. Avoid too much detail. Let the readers imagination fill in the blanks, add a couple of post sex sentences (immediately after or as an unexpected random thought elsewhere in the story) hinting at the salient points.
    Put coffee on your done .

  9. If that’s not ridicularious enough for you, here’s something from a review of Lobster on Amazon: Angelina loses her clitoris to the pincers of the wrong lobster.

  10. Angela: Oddly, such a bizarre and excruciating image almost makes me curious enough to pop along to Amazon and buy the book!

    rain: Anything more than a double entendre is a waste, in my humble opinion 😉

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