The Welly Files.

Now, I was never exactly a huge fan of the X-Files. I watched a couple of seasons and the first movie, and that was about it. But I definitely want to see the new X-Files film — I Want to Believe. Why? Well, it isn’t because Gillian Anderson is in it (or David Duchovny, I hasten to add!) No, it’s because The Great Scottish Hairy One, Mr Billy Connolly, is in it — and I’m hoping that if the aliens finally show themselves, he’ll get out his guitar and sing this…

[Edit: for the benefit of those who have difficulty understanding the Big Yin at his most Scottish, I hereby include the lyrics:-

The Welly Boot Song
(McEwen)

Wellies they are wonderful, oh wellies they are swell,
Cause they keep oot the water, an’ they keep in the smell,
An’ when yer sittin in a room, you can always tell,
When some bugger takes off his wellies.

If it wasna for your wellies where would you be?
You’d be in the hospital or infirmary,
Cause you would have a dose of the flu or even pluracy,
If you didna have your feet in your wellies!

But when yer oot walking, in the country way about
An yer strolling over fields just like a fairmer’s herd.
And somebody shouts “Keep aff the grass,” and you think “How absurd;”
And, squelch, you find why fairmers a’ wear wellies.

Chorus

There’s fishermen and firemen, there’s farmers an a’,
Men oot digging ditches an’ working in the snaw;
This country it would grind tae a halt and no’ a thing would graw
If it wasna for the workers in their wellies.

Chorus

Noo Edward Heath and Wilson, they havna made a hit,
They’re ruining this country, mair than just a bit,
If they keep on the way they are goin’, we’ll all be in the sh..,
So you’d be’er ge(t) your feet in your wellies.

Chorus.]