Dear Mr Thompson,
It has come to my attention that you may very shortly be on the lookout for one or two new television/radio presenters.
Without wishing to be mercenary, I would just like to inform you that I am available.
Yours sincerely,
Gary — who is very talented and far better looking than Brand or Wossy. (I know because me mam said so.)













Morning Gary, how are you!?
Nice letter to Mr Thompson, I’m sure your BBC contract offer will be in the post shortly:-)
LOL — Morning, Kev! Nice to see you here — a pleasant surprise, indeed. How are you keeping, mate?
If I see one more ‘story’ about this ‘scandal’ i’m going to climb a clocktower and take out the town.
Allow me to speak for the vast majority of people on Planet Earth:
No one gives a fuck.
Yours Sincerely,
The Human Race
David, mate, bearing in mind it’s probably going to run for a day or two, yet, can I just ask… which clocktower and which town?