Idiosyncratica Monthly Challenge — “Lost.”
September 1, 2008
This is my contribution for the September Idiosyncratica challenge set by Archie. I’m not sure I’ve done an especially good job with this one — I had a hell of a difficult time thinking of a subject and pounced on this at the 11th hour. In many respects, I think I found it more difficult than the drabble of the previous month.
Anyway, see what you think!
Lost
On Monday morning, he smiled at me for the first time and I thought we might actually be getting somewhere.
“It’s a load of bollocks, innit?” he said when I sat down beside him in the cafeteria. “You and them, you don’t reckon it is, like-or if you do, you’ll never admit it-but that’s exactly what it is.”
I’d been assigned to him for a couple of weeks now and I was more than familiar with his conversational tactics. He liked to start off with a definite advantage. It was my job, as he saw it, to try to make sense of his cryptic openings.
“What is?” I said. It never did to pretend with Graham “Sleep” Ferguson. Better just to admit from the beginning that you didn’t have a fucking clue what he was on about.
“All this.” He grinned again. Maybe this wasn’t the positive I had imagined it to be.
“All what?”
“Stop playing dumb. You know what. All this ‘get ‘em off the streets and make ‘em into decent fucking citizens’-lark. It’s all a load of bollocks.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“See, I said you and them others wouldn’t admit it. It’s all just fucking make-believe.”
“So what are you telling me? You’d rather be out on the streets killing time and each other?”
“If I wanted to do that, I would-and none of youse would stop me.”
“So it’s a load of bollocks but you still choose to take part in it. Makes sense, I suppose.”
“Fuck you, smart arse.”
Sleep was smiling again.
“It’s a load of bollocks, innit?”
I was standing by my car, about to unlock the door. I knew who it was right away, of course. I knew-and the darkness of the car park underscored my vulnerability. Sleep. The boy with the smile, the boy I was “helping”.
Nothing to worry about there.
Turning, I saw his toothy grin. Turning, I noticed his legs-apart, ready-for-action stance. Turning, I realised he wasn’t alone.
“Sleep, what can I…”
He didn’t let me finish.
The three of them came towards me. I briefly considered running, but I knew that there’d be no way I could get away from them. They’d be too quick for me.
“You lot just don’t get it, do you?” he said. He held a knife in his hand. “You can’t save us because you just don’t fucking know where to find us. You can see us, like, but that just makes it worse. You don’t even know we’re lost.”
I thought it was all over then. And it was.
But not for me.
Sleep turned and with one deft movement planted the blade of the knife in the flesh beneath the ribs of one of his surprised companions.
“It’s just what we do,” Sleep softly told me.
September 1, 2008 at 12:34
Hmmmm… It’s an interesting piece. I think the central ideas are good: that experience is wholly subjective, that middle class morality is sorely lacking and that there is often an unbridgeable gap between the POVs of people who otherwise ostensibly share a common culture or viewpoint are clear from the narrative.
That being said, I think it might benefit from a slight polish; the flow is not quite as lucid as your other stuff.
A good piece, nonetheless.
September 1, 2008 at 14:14
Gary, this is very good! I was a little confused at the beginning, probably because of Sleep’s cryptic speech. But you brought it together quickly and everything started to click.
I actually felt my heart start to beat a little faster when they were in the car park. I got goose bumps and a lump in my throat at the end.
I like it a lot!
September 1, 2008 at 16:22
Mike: yes, you’ve pretty much echoed my own problem with it; it was rather last-minute and rushed, and it definitely shows. I didn’t really allow myself enough time to set it to one side for a week or so and then return to it. Still, it isn’t really the final product. I like it enough to want to do a bit more with it and probably will.
Lottie: that’s good to hear, Lottie! Thank you. I do think it can be improved, as Mike pointed out… that’ll probably fix the confusion at the beginning, too!
I’m kind of glad that I posted it as it is, though — i.e. not quite how it should be. It shows those among us who are just starting out as writers that it doesn’t just all come together immediately. There’s a process, and the final product can sometimes obscure that.
September 2, 2008 at 11:47
one word: stunning!
September 2, 2008 at 15:18
I actually didn’t find it too confusing, but then again I worked with what we call “inner-city” youths in New York City. This is the sort of piece that slowly comes together as your read it. Sleep is an amazing character. I would love to read about him some more.
September 2, 2008 at 16:19
Baba: thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it, mate.
Gessy: it’s funny you should say that, but I actually want to write more about Sleep. It’s not really typical of my usual work, and Sleep proved something of a challenge — so much so that I’d like to understand him a bit more, visit his world for a little longer.
Youth work in inner-city New York? That must have been a fascinating and demanding experience.