Where the Buck Stops.
August 7, 2008
I’m getting just a little bit tired of the current assault on social networking sites by people who, frankly, should know better. Questions regarding who bears the brunt of the responsibility when it comes to protecting children on these sites still all too often miss the point.
For example, today I read this article in which a guy called Tom Ilube from the identity firm Garlik states:
“Busy parents can’t be expected to monitor their children’s activities all the time. What are Facebook, Bebo, MySpace and the others doing to help?”
Wrong, Tom. They can be expected to monitor their children’s activities all the time — not necessarily directly, admittedly, but via a proxy, whether it be monitoring software or an appointed in loco parentis adult. Busy parents are still parents. Ultimately, responsibility for the safety of their children lies with them. It isn’t enough to argue that some parents are technologically illiterate, or that children now access the Internet using many devices, such as mobile phones. These are 21st-century parenting problems that have to be addressed, either by talking to the child, building understanding and trust or, where that doesn’t work, monitoring and, if necessary, restricting.
Yes, social networking sites have a role to play in child safety/protection. And from what I have seen over the past eleven years or so, they are doing a better job than they ever have before. But the bottom line is that parents have to (and, increasingly, are) take complete responsibility where the protection of their children is concerned. If your child uses Facebook or MySpace, ask to see their friends. Discuss the pros and cons. Make them aware of the dangers.
Whatever you do, don’t be too busy — and don’t rely upon Facebook and MySpace to babysit your children. However good their intentions, however much money they throw at the problem, it will still be an imperfect system. Bear that in mind and take the proactive, involved approach that I’m sure most of you (if not all) already have.
August 7, 2008 at 17:39
I completely agree with you, Gary – but inbuilt into the first browsers were the ability to block certain sites – common knowledge.
What this is all about is, utilising the child as a lever, is that governments want to control the internet, they are, in the west, slowing doing what they need to do to achieve that aim – not so in China etc – there they just did it.
In the terms of use on social networking sites – is specifies that the people using it should not be younger than 13 – so what should happen to bring parents thoughts back toward actually doing something like monitoring this?
Simple, easy-peeasy!
Sue the parents that allowed the child to do what they have done! Better still – sue the frigging kid! That will focus them for the next 20 years as they are trying to pay off the lawyers bills and the compensation awarded.
The T&C is a contract FFS! “By clicking here you…agree” etc.
Not frigging hard is it?
August 7, 2008 at 17:46
I think you might have a point, here. It certainly wouldn’t surprise me.
Again, an excellent point and one, as I may have said before, that so few people get.
August 7, 2008 at 18:08
[...] blogger friend of mine wrote this post and I must admit, as I said on his blog – I agree with [...]
August 7, 2008 at 23:24
I couldn’t agree with you more, Gary. It’s absolutely the parents’ responsibility.
Mike and I carefully monitor what our son does online. Some sites, he’s simply not allowed to access at all. If we find out he’s been to any of them, he’ll lose his computer for a specified period (haven’t had to deal with it yet).
He has a YouTube channel and all the new friend invitations, message/comment notifications and new subscriber notices come through my email account. I look at every single one of them, watch their videos, etc. and go from there. I’ve only had to refuse one invitation, but doing so made me glad I was keeping such a close eye on things.
We also have rules. One is that there is to be no private messaging; all communication is to take place out in the open. We’re willing to reevaluate this as he gets older, but that’s the way it is for right now.
So, yeah, I totally agree. Parents who are too busy to parent need to examine their priorities. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s honestly I how I feel.
August 7, 2008 at 23:34
Oh I nearly forgot:
I take issue with doing it secretly because it undermines trust which is vital to the parent/child relationship. We do it right out in the open. He knows we’re monitoring what he does. We want him to know. An ounce of prevention…
It might sound weird, but I think he actually appreciates it. If he happens to see an invitation before I do, he’ll call me into his room to check it out before he accepts.
August 7, 2008 at 23:54
I don’t think I would go that far. Like I said, I allow my son to use a YouTube account that is registered to me (he’s not old enough to have his own). He likes to watch music videos, videos about Nerf guns, instructional dance videos and stuff like that. I don’t think I should be sued for that. I think it should be my choice as a parent.
However, I realize that with that choice comes extra responsibility, and I take that very seriously. So, while I don’t believe I should be sued for allowing my son to access YouTube, I certainly wouldn’t try to sue YouTube if something went wrong as a result of his doing so.
By the way, I overheard one of his friends telling him to enter a fake date of birth to access sites with age restrictions. I tore into him for telling my son to lie and teaching him to cheat. I explained that sites with age restrictions have them for a reason and if I ever found out that he (my son) had done that, he would lose his computer indefinitely. He now asks permission before registering with any site, even the ones without age restrictions.
August 8, 2008 at 05:52
Unarguably solid opinion you got there, mate!I’m in.
As far as I reckon based on a quarter of century life here as a mortal, the only right parents have upon their children is when they wish for ones –coitus to create another life. As for the rest, it only consists of obligations upon their kids — constant nurture, including protections of course.
And speaking about devices to access internet, I use mobile almost all the time. But one thing is worth noting here, I am an ADULT. Well, at least in term of age. LOL.
August 8, 2008 at 08:57
Lottie: sounds to me as if you’ve got it about right; sensible, reasonable behaviour sets the example for the child — and in your case, it is clearly working. Sensible, reasonable behaviour all round
As long as you let him access my site! LOL
Baba: I think you have a good point there, my friend. Parents make the choice to have the child (even when it’s an “accidents”), and the responsibility that that carries with it should indeed remain for a lifetime, to a degree, at least. Sadly, not all parents see it that way.
You’re about as much of an adult that I am, mate. And I’m forty one going on five!
August 8, 2008 at 13:03
Actually, he does look at your site occasionally. Did I mention that he writes some too?
He also refers to you by your full name. It’s kind of funny because when he says it, it actually sounds like one long name: GaryWilliamMurning. lol
August 8, 2008 at 15:57
No, Lottie, I didn’t know that he writes, too. A talented young man, quite clearly
GaryWilliamMurning — I like that LOL. But tell him from me, as one writer to another, he’s more than welcome to just call me Gary.
August 8, 2008 at 18:31
His teachers have always remarked on his reading and writing skills. He’s received a couple of ribbons for things he’s written, and always gets high marks.
I’d say I hate to brag, but I’d be lying, obviously. LOL
I’ll give him your message.
August 8, 2008 at 19:29
Kudos to you for making this point. If one chooses to have a child (and yes, it’s always a choice, regardless of conflicting opinions), then one chooses to be a parent. And a parent, by definition, means parenting, not pawning off one’s children onto someone/thing else. I don’t buy the argument of busy parents: prioritize for heaven’s sakes.
It also strikes me that — as a society — we constantly undermine personal responsibility and natural consequences. When are we going to realize that we’re destroying ourselves?
August 9, 2008 at 08:33
Lottie: damn, just what I need — more competition!
Alex: thanks for commenting. You make an excellent point regarding personal responsibility and natural consequences. As a society, yes, we are at times far too quick to “blame” someone else — in this case, MySpace, Facebook et al.
August 10, 2008 at 09:30
[...] Spectator. In order to ease myself into it and test the water, my first piece was a repost of my Where the Buck Stops post from earlier in the week. So far, on The Pakistani Spectator, it’s had 3,838 views and [...]