The Fall.
August 1, 2008
For this month’s Idiosyncratica task, Mike set us the challenge of writing a drabble — a short story of exactly one hundred words. As someone who is accustomed to telling a story in more like 160,000 words, this was indeed a challenge. It was, however, one that I enjoyed and, even, learned something from, I believe.
And so, without further ado, my drabble. The Fall.
I watched my wife fall from the building opposite. Elegant and purposeful — just as I had hoped, just as I had planned.
This was hers, my note had said. Do you remember?
Sipping a drink, the balcony cold yet welcoming, I followed her progress, my daughter clinging to my leg, just as she had done when she’d been alive. Warm, vital and overflowing with promise.
You do remember, don’t you?
When they’d taken her body away, I found the pink ribbon where my wife had lain. The ribbon I had included with my note.
You should have been there.













August 1, 2008 at 23:32
August 2, 2008 at 08:55
Glad you liked it, mate! They’re not easy, are they?
August 2, 2008 at 14:39
This is very good, Gary!
Since we only have 100 words to tell the story, we have to substitute insinuation for all the words we may have otherwise used. You did that very well, I think!
Great drabble!
August 2, 2008 at 16:25
That was the hard part for me, Lottie; the subtlety. Under normal circumstances, I’m about as subtle as a sledgehammer!
Glad you liked it!
August 2, 2008 at 16:28
Mine was a little ditty about time and God – not easy at ALL! LOL
August 2, 2008 at 16:32
You certainly believe in stretching yourself, don’t you, mate? Time and God in one hundred words! I don’t know whether to applaud you for giving it a go or fetch the straitjacket!
I’ll give it a thorough reading and then decide.
August 3, 2008 at 12:14
I like it, I’m just not sure what to say about it… It’s kind of creepy and suggestive of madness.
August 3, 2008 at 13:51
Gary, this was very vivid and descriptive. I found this task so difficult, but you’ve done a good job with it. I like your style.
August 3, 2008 at 16:17
Mike: “suggestive of madness” is pretty much what I was aiming for, so cheers!
Kallioppe: thank you! It served, for me, as a reminder of just how powerful subtlety can be. But, yes, it was difficult… surprisingly so, in many respects.
August 3, 2008 at 19:06
Very dark and eerie. I think the stark language helps elevate the sense of total despair. The effect is disorientation which in turn work to communicate emotions that are hard to articulate.
August 4, 2008 at 09:05
Thanks, Gessy. A really helpful analysis. I wanted that madness from despair feeling — a loss of hope and an overwhelming senselessness. Grief and blame working their combined wickedness!
August 4, 2008 at 13:13
And you did it with excellence!
August 4, 2008 at 15:46
One does one’s best
August 5, 2008 at 13:32
Yikes! And you said mine was dark!
Ve3ry well done!
August 5, 2008 at 15:56
Thanks, Archie… yes, it was rather gloomy, wasn’t it?